


All Is Calm, All Is Bright

by Kerkerian



Series: Thick And Thin [3]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Christmas, Established Relationship, Family, Humour, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, New Jersey, Post-Episode: s08e10 I Ka Wa Ma Mua I Ka Wa Ma Hope (The Future is in the Past), Romance, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, divergence from canon, mcdanno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 13:46:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14791640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kerkerian/pseuds/Kerkerian
Summary: While they are still dealing with the aftermath of the shooting, Danny receives an invitation to spend Christmas in New Jersey with Steve and the kids.





	All Is Calm, All Is Bright

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Five-0.
> 
> Furthermore, I really don't know just _what_ my muse was thinking, but here we are, Christmas in May. Also, this turned into a series, though you don't necessarily need to read the others before this.
> 
> Mele Kalikimaka!

 

The first night that Danny's back from the hospital, Steve doesn't sleep much. He's relieved to have his partner home, and by rights he should be exhausted; he's spent every free minute and most evenings at Danny's side. But now that he's here in Steve's arms the latter's wide awake, listening to Danny's quiet breathing and counting his heartbeat. Which usually calms him down, or at least it did before the recent shooting.

He's lying awake in the following night as well, and in the one after that.

One trauma too many, he thinks, and the notion is reeling around in his head. They've had close shaves before, but this was different, has left him feeling drained and full of dread the way it has only been a few but resounding times in his life: after his mother's supposed death, after his father was murdered, after Danny had been taken to a Colombian prison.

Shuddering slightly, he presses his nose against Danny's skin, inhaling deeply, and is grateful that he hasn't lost him.

“I love you so much,” he whispers, nestling closer against the other; Danny prefers sleeping on his back these days, since it doesn't jar his healing wound so much. He turns his head towards Steve in his sleep now, muttering something unintelligible, but stills when Steve gently reinforces his grip around him.

He wasn't used to sleeping wrapped around someone all night until Danny and he got together, but somehow, they made it their habit. No matter how warm the nights are, Danny and he inevitably end up firmly entangled, and Steve sleeps best if he can feel his partner's heartbeat, his breath on his skin. He loves to pull Danny on top of him before they drift off, Danny drowsily burrowing his face into the hollow of Steve's neck, his warm weight sprawled over his partner.

While he was sitting on a hard plastic chair by Danny's hospital bed, he felt a million miles away from him even though he was holding his hand.

Closing his eyes, he nuzzles the other's skin once more, taking in the familiar scent of pure Danno mixed with the faint echo of his shower gel and the laundry detergent they're using. He wanted to touch Danny all the time early on when they were first getting to know each other, but back then he had to restrain himself. This is so much better: he can put his hand on his husband's belly and feel it rise and fall with every breath. He can caress Danny's cheek and elicit a soft sound which goes straight into Steve's heart. He can kiss Danny and have him kissing back in his sleep, murmuring softly again without really waking up.

He doesn't realize it at first, but all these quiet, stolen moments in the nighttime are slowly beginning to mend Steve's heavily bruised heart; getting by on too little rest seems a small price to pay for that.

 

Danny can see that his husband is still looking tired and bleary-eyed about a week after he's come home, and he knows that Steve is having trouble sleeping. But Steve doesn't admit it, and apart from Five-0's usual business he's thrown himself into the investigation concerning the shooter, so he's visibly exhausted every time he comes home, and not in the mood to talk much. He usually just takes a quick shower and sits down with Danny, wrapping his arms around him as if he could undo the harm that was done, could protect him from any future violations like this. Danny gratefully soaks Steve's warmth and proximity up every time while they're watching TV until one of them dozes off, or both.

Danny knows where this is coming from, of course he does, but he's equally helpless. The least he wants is to add to Steve's worries: it's bad enough that he's adding to his workload, even though he'd do the same if the situation were reversed.

So he does his best to get back to his feet quickly. While Steve is at work, Danny prefers to sleep in their bed because it's much more comfortable, and usually Eddie comes to cuddle. At one point during the day though, Danny inevitably gets up and relocates to the couch. He does get up in between as well, much to Eddie's delight, and walks down to the beach or up and down the alley with him. Moving around is still annoyingly slow-going and leaves him trembling from the exertion and longing for another nap every time. He doesn't think he's ever slept so much in his life, not even after the liver transplant.

 

December has long since rolled around by now, and Charlie is excitedly talking about Christmas and his Hot Wheels Advent calendar as they talk on the phone; Danny and Rachel have chosen not to tell the children what has transpired, therefore Charlie's under the impression that his father's suffering from the flu. While he misses the little guy and his sister, Danny still regrets all the times Grace has seen him in the hospital or obviously battered, and Charlie's even younger than she was when she first realized that her father's job is a dangerous one. If she suspects that something's odd this time, she doesn't let it on. She does call Danny rather often however, and he is visibly perking up every time she does.

The one person they haven't been reckoning with during this time is in fact Rachel. She drops by a few times, bringing fresh fruit or reading material, sometimes even homemade cake. Steve and Danny are bewildered, to say the least, but what they read in her eyes is real concern, and apparently, it's not only about Danny. But then, she knows what it feels like to be in Steve's shoes in this case, so she can probably relate. Danny knows that her constant worry about him was one of the reasons for their marital problems. Well, Steve'd never leave him because of that, which is a reassuring thought.

And Danny can use those; once he was able to get up under his own steam, he's looked at his bruised torso in the mirror and tried to wrap his mind around the fact that he had to be reanimated. He doesn't remember anything, and he certainly didn't see a tunnel with a white light at the end; instead, he dreamed of a future which might or might not happen, and it was surprisingly detailed. He thinks he should probably be grateful for those dreams if they were the alternative to the somewhat darker memories he might have otherwise, but the matter is unsettling nevertheless. He can't imagine not being there anymore and wonders if it's selfish not to be able to think of a world without himself.

He asked Steve about it one morning absentmindedly because it'd been bugging him, but he didn't get a verbal answer; Steve's expression only became pained and he looked... devastated. To console him, Danny told him about the dreams he had, but it only seemed to make matters worse: Steve's eyes were swimming at one point, and he just gathered Danny in his arms and held him as tightly as he dared, breathing raggedly: “We'll have all those moments, Danno,” he whispered. “We'll make those memories.”

“I hope so,” Danny replied softly. “I really liked them.”

At which Steve gave a watery chuckle, but he didn't let go of his partner for a long time.

 

Two weeks before Christmas, a certified letter from Danny's parents arrives. It's a rather thick envelope, and in it he finds four plane tickets to New Jersey. He calls his parents at once.

“Oh, hi Sweetheart,” Clara greets him.

“Ma,” Danny says, and unexpectedly, his throats constricts as a tidal wave of acute homesickness rolls over him entirely out of the blue; that didn't happen for a long time. “I just got your letter.”

“You did? That was quick. Eddie! It's Danny! The mail's arrived!”

Danny can hear his father in the background: “Oh, good! So, are they coming?”

Clara laughs: “We haven't even gotten round to that yet.”

“Ma,” Danny repeats. “That's a lot of money you've just spent-”

“Don't worry about that,” Clara quickly interrupts him. “Your dad's finally sold your grandpa's old guns. You know how I've always wanted them out of the house.”

“Oh. Okay... I'll have to ask Steve, and Rachel- and I don't know if I'll be cleared to fly-”

“But you do want to come for Christmas, don't you?” Clara interrupts him again, and her voice is so soft and fond that Danny wishes she was here.

“Yeah,” he murmurs, swallowing. “I do.” He swallows again. “But the kids- I don't know if Rachel-”

“It's alright,” Clara quickly says. “In fact, I've already talked to Rachel.”

“What?”

“Well, to be clear, she gave me a call.”

“What?” Danny is aware that he probably sounds a like parrot, but this is all he can come up with at the moment. “Why?”

“She called me because she's concerned about you and Steve.” Clara also sounds concerned now. “So I said to your dad that we should get you over here. Eddie, I said, I want my boys home for Christmas.”

Danny blinks, unable to keep the moisture out of his eyes: “That'd be nice,” he mutters.

“I miss you, Baby,” Clara says softly. “And after what happened, I need to see for myself how you're doing.”

“I'm okay,” Danny replies in an equally low voice. “We're getting there, but it's slow-going.”

“That's good,” Clara's voice is tender. “I'm so sorry, my darling. After all you've been through... It's not fair, is it?”

“No,” Danny manages. “It isn't.” Which they've already known before, and neither of them needs to mention Matt to point out just how unfair life can be.

Even before he ends the call, Danny already knows that he wants to go home for Christmas this year.

 

When he tells his husband all this in the evening while they're making dinner, Steve looks at him, taking in how unusually slow and measured Danny's movements are, how pale he still is, and doesn't even have to think twice about it; there's too much vulnerability in Danny these days. Steve still can't forget the somewhat haunted look on his partner's face when he asked him if it was selfish not to be able to imagine a world without oneself. It pains Steve that Danny is even thinking about that.

Maybe a change of scenery will do them good. Most of all though, it will give Danny the chance to spend the holidays with his family and his children, whom he'll have much more time with that way than he'd have been granted here.

Work-wise, they're getting nowhere with the shooter anyway, and since the guy is dead and seems to have been on his own without any accomplices, it's admittedly not that urgent. So Steve nods: “Okay.”

Danny raises an eyebrow: “Okay? Just like that? I didn't even bring out the heavy artillery.”

Against his will amused, Steve grins: “Which is?”

“Well... snow, for one thing,” Danny says somewhat tentatively. “And the food. And there's a real Christmas tree.”

Steve circles the kitchen island and takes the plate Danny's holding out of his hand, putting it aside, before he gently wraps his arms around his partner: “Sounds good, all of it.” He smiles at him: “But it doesn't really matter. I just want you to be okay. And if this is making you happy, we'll go.”

Danny smiles back hesitantly: “I want you to be okay as well, Babe. I don't want to force you into a situation you're uncomfortable with.”

Steve's heart swells; he still hasn't gotten used to someone putting his welfare before their own, and Danny constantly does that.

“As long as you'll be there, I'll be fine,” he murmurs, nuzzling Danny's nose with his own, then he grins again, singing: “All I want for Christmas is you.”

Danny immediately pushes him away: “Way to ruin the moment, McGarrett!” But his eyes are smiling, and he hasn't felt this light-hearted in a very long time.

 

The prospect of spending the holidays in New Jersey is spurning Danny on immensely and distracts him from the more unwelcome ideas he's been pondering lately. It's not only the weather, the food and the tree he's looking forward to, it's also the sense of unconditional belonging, the blend of memories made up of Christmases long gone, the inherent safety he always associated with his parents' home.

Well, to be honest, he is also relieved that he doesn't have to concern himself with setting up all the Christmas paraphernalia he usually loves and wants his children to enjoy; he simply doesn't feel up to it yet. The doctor only clears him for the journey because Steve has sworn that Danny won't even be allowed to lift his own luggage. Secretly, he's glad to know that Steve actually meant this, though he can never know it.

They even order their Christmas gifts on the internet this year because it's easiest under the circumstances.

The closer to the holidays they get however, the more nostalgic Danny becomes; he actually misses all the decorations and choosing a tree. Well, he'll have that in a few days, but he's missing the build-up. So Steve comes home wearing a Santa hat one evening and producing a sprig of mistletoe from behind his back, which he holds over his head: “Ready for smooching over here,” he says, grinning in that goofy way of his which means he's very proud of himself.

“Well, since it's tradition,” Danny concedes, but his face is delighted as he's kissing his Santa.

 

And then they're finally at the airport, early in the morning on December 22nd. Rachel looks Danny over as she hands him the children's passports: “Take care of yourself, Danny,” she says with a serious smile.

“I don't think I have a choice,” he replies, glancing at Steve and smiling as well. “And thank you, again.”

Steve has often wondered if Rachel is regretting that she has left Danny; he can't really read her, and he has never entirely forgiven her for the whole Charlie debacle. But she seems to mean well nowadays and he appreciates what she is doing, especially when he sees how her eyes are swimming as she kisses Charlie and Grace goodbye and wishes them a good time.

 

While Grace is busy with her phone, Charlie looks around the airport wide-eyed, firmly holding on to Danny's hand as they are walking to their gate. It isn't the first time that he is going to fly somewhere, but for the little boy, it is very exciting nevertheless.

On the plane, Charlie wants to sit at the window; Grace, hormones being in full swing, pretends that she doesn't care, so in the end Danny is sitting between his children and Steve next to Grace. Once they've reached cruising altitude, breakfast is served; afterwards, Danny reads to Charlie ( _Findus at Christmas_ ); at one point, the boy falls asleep curled up in his father's arms, and it doesn't take long for Danny to follow suit.

Steve watches them for a while, smiling, until Grace glances up at him and grins once she realizes what he's been looking at.

When they land at Newark Airport, it's late; Charlie and Grace are squabbling and Danny looks rather depleted by now, so Steve hoists Charlie onto his hip and carries him.

Eddie Williams is already waiting for them: smiling broadly, he hugs Grace and kisses her hair, but his eyes are on his son.

“Come here, Tot,” he says once Grace has let go of him, and gently folds Danny into his arms, maybe holding on to him for a moment longer than he'd usually have. Next, he hugs Steve who's still got the now sleeping Charlie in his arms: “Welcome to New Jersey, son.”

Steve beams at him: “Thank you, sir.”

At that, Eddie laughs, clapping him on the shoulder: “Who do you keep calling 'sir'? Call me Eddie, or Pops. Or Dad, take your pick.”

Blushing, Steve nods; he won't be able to ever call someone else than his father by those terms of endearment, but he's grateful for the offer.

 

The air is surprisingly cold as they leave the building, but it hasn't snowed yet. Steve stares at the lights as Eddie navigates his station wagon through unfamiliar streets; there are Christmas decorations everywhere, just as it is at home. He thinks of his dog, feeling guilty; since they didn't want to put him through the ordeal of pet transport, he's staying with Junior, whom he loves. Still, Steve can't shake the feeling that he's abandoned the little guy.

He's pulled out of these gloomy thoughts when the car stops after his father-in-law turned onto his drive. The white wooden house is surrounded by lawn and trees and not as big as Steve imagined it. There are a few fairy lights in the garden and around the front door, and it looks utterly inviting altogether.

Clara opens the door just as they reach the porch, welcoming them all with wide arms and ushering them into the house while Flint, their Dalmatian, greets them with a full-body wag, all but bowling into Danny, obviously overjoyed to see him. Eddie is carrying Charlie, who's blinking groggily: “Aloha, Grandma,” he says tiredly, eliciting a round of laughter: “Aloha, my darling,” Clara says smiling, kissing him. “And merry Christmas.”

Just like her husband, she hugs Danny a moment longer (“Merry Christmas, Baby”) and rather fiercely, kissing him on the cheek before turning to Steve: “Hello, Sweetheart,” hugging and kissing him as well. He soaks her uncomplicated affection up like sunlight.

Finally, she pulls her granddaughter into her arms after looking her up and down: “You're so pretty, my darling! And you've grown so much!”

While Grace actually blushes, Danny chimes in: “We've tried to stop it, but the books kept falling off her head.”

Grateful for the segue, Grace nods, her expression apologetic: “Sorry you spent all that money on that really heavy encyclopedia, Danno.”

“Don't worry, I'll put it on the list.”

“Which list?”

“The list of your debts, to be presented to you when you turn 21.”

Playfully, Clara slaps his arm before putting hers around Grace: “Don't be silly. Come on, Sweetheart, you must be hungry.”

 

The house is cozy, a place Steve thinks he could feel at home at. Every room is decorated for the season, but it's tasteful and not too much. Now Steve sees where Danny gets his knack from, and judging from how he looked around with an almost relieved expression earlier, he seems to have missed this even more than he'd let on, even though he's also sad; he told Steve that a part of him will always be unprepared for his brother's absence. Sadly enough, Steve knows exactly what he means.

 

They don't stay up very long, since all of them are very tired now. Charlie already dozes off at the dinner table; Danny, seeing that his son's eyes are beginning to droop, quickly pulls him onto his lap.

“I think it's best if he sleeps in our room tonight,” he says to Steve once they've excused themselves and gone upstairs. “He's only been here twice, he might be confused and get scared if he wakes up.”

Steve nods: “'Course.”

While Grace is going to sleep in Danny's old room, Danny and Steve are in Stella's, which has been converted into a guest room. As Steve opens his duffel bag to find his toiletries, Danny takes off Charlie's shoes, shirt and pants and eases him onto the mattress.

He tucks him in with Rolie, his stuffed elephant, and kisses his forehead, looking at him for a moment before he turns around: “I'll go and check on Grace. Be right back.” He looks knackered now and holds himself a little stiffly as he walks out of the door, so Steve puts his toothbrush down and roots through his backpack instead, looking for Danny's medication.

 

Grace is already in bed when Danny knocks and peers in: “Can I come in?”

“You don't have to ask.” Grace smiles at him as he sits down on the edge of the mattress: “You okay, Monkey? Got everything you need?”

“Yeah.” She regards him, smile still visible in the corners of her mouth, but her expression is more serious now: “You look pale, Danno. Are you okay?”

He is always surprised when she does this, even though she's always been considerate. But he vividly recalls her anxious expression when she first visited him after the shooting a few weeks ago and understands where this is coming from.

“I am,” he therefore says. “Just really tired.”

She reaches for his hand: “You'd tell me if it were otherwise, wouldn't you?”

As Danny looks at her now, he can see that the kid who'd invariably believe the little white lies he was forced to use from time to time is irrevocably gone. It hasn't happened over night, of course, has probably started some time around Colombia, but it is strangely saddening nevertheless; here is his baby girl, on the brink of something new, and he is actually scared to see that she is slowly but steadily leaving childhood behind. He is also proud of her, of course, but tonight the nostalgia prevails. It has probably also to do with Christmas and the fact that he doesn't need to put on a Santa costume for her any longer.

“I would,” he eventually says, trying to shake himself out of it. “I promise.”

“Okay, so why didn't Steve let you carry Charlie or the luggage? And why do you favour your left side?”

Danny, momentarily thrown off his guard, doesn't know what to say. He was going to talk to Grace about what happened, but preferably not now, or any time soon.

He rubs his free hand over his eyes: “Busted, huh?”

But Grace's expression doesn't soften at that, so he takes a deep breath and tells her what has transpired, starting with the boat and ending with his unexpected hospital stay.

She stares at him with visibly conflicting emotions once he falls silent: “And you thought you should keep all that secret?”

It pains Danny how hurt she sounds. “No, Monkey, I didn't. I was going to talk to you about it, but...” He sags a little because it's difficult to put his reasons into words. “You know what kind of job we have, Steve and I. And this wasn't the first close shave. There were too many times like this, too many incidents which were very frightening for you. I wish I could have spared you all of it, Baby. No father wants his little girl getting kidnapped or having to visit her dad in the hospital.” He pauses, still feeling the dread that came with Grace's abduction by Rick Petersen.

“I actually thought about giving up my job for a time, finding something else, less dangerous... but it's the only thing I feel that I'm good at. When stuff like this happens however, it throws everything off kilter. And you've had enough trouble in your life as it is, I simply couldn't stand the idea of scaring you like that once again.”

For a moment, they are silent, then Grace squeezes his hand which she is still holding: “I'm not eight anymore, Danno,” she says gently. “You can scare me. It's worse if you sense that something's going on but nobody tells you what it is. I knew you didn't have the flu.”

“I'm sorry,” Danny says softly. “Sometimes I forget how grown-up you are.”

“I'm still your little girl,” Grace replies, a smile in the corners of her mouth now. “That won't change. But please, tell me next time.”

“Okay.” Danny squeezes her hand back. “Though I hope there won't be a next time.”

Wordlessly, Grace pulls him close with astonishing strength and hugs him: “I'm really glad we're getting to spend Christmas together, Danno.” Coming from a teenager who's mostly being annoyed with the people around her these days, this is almost ridiculously heartwarming.

Danny blinks: “Me too, Monkey,” he mutters softly. “Me too.”

 

When he returns to the guest room a few minutes later, Steve is sitting on the bed, already wearing his sleep things. He holds out a glass of water and two pills: “Don't forget these.”

Oh. Danny, who was about to take off his sweater, pauses; he probably would have, exhausted as he is, and Steve is aware of that, judging from the fond expression with which he is watching Danny now.

“Thanks, Babe.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah. Just had a talk with Grace.”

“Oh?”

“She knows now.”

“Realized that it couldn't have been the flu, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, she's clever. And she's got a fine-tuned Danno sense.”

“Like you.” Danny smiles at Steve, who smiles back: “Like me.”

 

Finally lying down is heavenly. Careful not to jostle the mattress and wake Charlie, they climb into bed. Steve gently winds his arms around Danny and pulls him back against his chest, burrowing his nose into his skin because he's missed having him so close all day: “Love you, Danno.”

Danny turns his head so they can kiss goodnight: “Love you more,” he murmurs, savouring how Steve's scent is all around him, how secure he feels in his husband's strong arms. “Good night, Babe.”

 

On the following morning, Danny wakes up because Charlie is blowing raspberries on his cheek and giggling madly in between. With his eyes still closed, Danny quickly catches him, eliciting a delighted shriek, and pulls him close:“Looking for trouble, Squirrel?”

“No,” Charlie giggles again.

“I think you were.”

“No!”

“Huh. Well, if you don't confess, I'll have to resort to other means-”

With that, he tickles Charlie, who laughs and shrieks until the door opens and Grace shuffles in, eyes still mostly closed: “What's with the ruckus?”

Steve, who's pulled his pillow over his head when it started, peers up at her from under it: “Tell me about it.”

Sighing, Grace plunks down next to Charlie: “Did you do the raspberry thing, Piggy?”

Charlie grins: “Yes.”

His sister rolls her eyes: “For the record: he didn't get that from me.”

“He didn't get it from me either,” Steve mutters, now wide awake.

Danny chuckles, gently shaking his son: “Do you want to go and check if Grandma is making pancakes?” When Grace opened the door just now, he could definitely smell something pancake-y underneath the heavenly scent of freshly brewed coffee; well, it's past ten already.

“Yes! Are you coming, Gracie?”

Grace gives a long-suffering sigh and sits up: “Okay...”

Danny gets up as well and rummages around in Charlie's suitcase until he finds sweatpants and a hoodie, since he's not wearing his pajamas: “Let's put these on first, Squirrel.”

“Okay.”

“Hey Charlie,” Steve says while Danny helps the boy with the sweater, “leave a pancake for me, okay?”

“I can't promise anything, Stevie,” Charlie replies. “Grandma's pancakes are de- _licious_!”

Both men have to bite back a laugh at this very accurate imitation of Danny's father.

 

As soon as the kids have left the room, Danny crawls back into bed and on top of his husband: “Good morning,” he says softly, leaning in for a kiss. “Did you sleep well?”

Steve's gaze roams over his face, smiling:“Like a log.” In fact, he hasn't slept this soundly in a long time. “You?”

“Me too.”

Gently, Steve caresses Danny's face with one hand: “You're lovely, did I ever tell you that?”

“Rings a faint bell...” Danny grins and Steve falls in love with him all over again.

“Come here, you clown,” he says, cupping Danny's neck and pulling him closer for another kiss, longer this time.

 

They spend the morning putting up and decorating the tree, and Steve's got to admit that Danny didn't exaggerate all these years: it's really big.

“Smell it, kids,” Eddie says proudly, and Charlie immediately bends forward to sniff: “It smells good, Grandpa!”

“Yeah, it does.” Around her grandparents, Grace is obviously trying to keep her moods in check.

Decorating the tree accordingly takes longer than they're used to, but in the end, it looks splendid. Grace carefully put up all the self-made ornaments Danny and his siblings produced when they were kids, treating them like treasure. When Eddie finally turns on the lights, everyone applauds. With a pang, Steve thinks back to his own home at Christmas, before everything went to hell; his mom always made sure that the children had fun decorating the tree, singing carols while they're at it, and they always took a picture once they were done. He blinks, trying to distract himself from the notion that it'd never be like that again even though his mom is back; he still has difficulties to connect the older, resurfaced version of her with the one he fondly remembers from his childhood.

Danny now comes to stand next to him, putting his arm around his waist: “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Steve looks down at him and flashes him a quick, reassuring smile. “This is nice.”

Not so easily deceived, Danny just nods, but keeps his arm around Steve a bit longer, subtly tightening his hold. He's tired again now, which is no surprise, considering.

Eddie, who can see that his son is flagging, nods towards the couch: “Wanna take a break, Tot? I've left the paper on the coffee table for you.”

Danny hesitates ever so briefly before he nods: “Yeah. Thanks.”

He browses through the sports section while the others clear the boxes away, and it takes it only two minutes for him to doze off.

Eddie ushers Charlie and Grace into the kitchen for some hot cocoa so as not to disturb Danny; Steve however gently takes the paper out of his hands and lifts his legs onto the couch so that he'll be more comfortable. With a sigh, Danny shifts a bit, opening his eyes once, but Steve strokes over his hair: “It's okay, Danno, go to sleep.” Which he does. Steve spreads a blanket over him and sits down in the other corner of the couch, pulling the paper over to him. As he opens it on his lap and begins to read, one hand on Danny's feet, it fleetingly occurs to him how he hasn't known this kind of snugly peace before Danny and he got together.

 

“Why do you call Danno 'Tot', grandpa?” Charlie asks as he fishes for the marshmallows in his cocoa with a spoon.

Eddie smiles: “Oh, I dunno. I've always done that, ever since he was a baby, because he seemed so tiny to me when he was born.”

He looks at Clara, who returns his gaze with a slightly wistful expression before she smiles as well: “He was the smallest of all four of them.”

“Smaller than me?” Charlie pauses, looking at her.

“Yes, my darling.”

“Smaller than Gracie when she was a baby?”

“I believe so.”

“Can I see a picture?”

“Certainly.”

 

When Steve enters the kitchen a while later, he finds all four of them bent over a large photo album.

“Stevie,” Charlie says excitedly, “look, this is Danno!”

The photo he is pointing to shows a small boy in baseball gear, grinning widely with both front teeth missing. Steve smiles: “How old was he?”

“Five, I think,” Eddie replies, his voice fond.

“Just like I am now,” Charlie points out.

“Yeah, you can see the similarity,” Grace says. “You look a lot like him, Piggy.”

“Thanks, Gracie.” Her brother is delighted. “I'll go and tell Danno.”

Steve catches him before he can slip off his chair: “Later, Squirrel. Danno's taking a nap.”

“Why? Is he not feeling well?”

“He's just tired,” Grace says, glancing at Steve with a smile hidden in that look.

“Okay.” But Charlie frowns momentarily, and Steve suddenly feels inexplicably proud of these two.

Of course, Charlie also asks about the other boy he sees in the pictures; he's never met his uncle Matt, and Danny hasn't talked to him about his brother. So Eddie and Clara tell him about their son who died (they tell Charlie he was in an accident), and it is obviously still difficult for them, probably always will be; Steve is glad that Danny isn't here right now.

 

In the afternoon, Clara wants to bake cookies and gingerbread men with the children but in the end, Steve and Danny join them as well. That is, Steve, who's been playing chess with Danny in the living room, excuses himself to go pee and doesn't come back. When Danny goes to investigate, he finds him in the kitchen, helping Charlie cutting dough.

Danny raises his hands in mock exasperation: “Hey, I've been waiting for you.”

“Sorry,” Steve at least manages to look a little contrite. “I met Charlie at the bathroom door and kinda got shanghaied.”

“What's 'shanghaied', Stevie?” Charlie asks, looking up at him.

“When you make someone do something.”

“Oh yeah,” Charlie says soberly, turning back to the baking sheet in front of him, “that's what I did.”

Clara, Steve, Grace and Danny can barely subdue their laughter at that.

“You did, huh?” Danny then asks, “and who's going to play chess with me now?”

“Chess is boring, Danno,” Grace says.

“Yeah, Danno,” Clara winks at her son, “why don't you join us here?”

“Not you too,” Danny groans, but he goes to wash his hands nevertheless.

“Maybe we can learn a thing or two, for _Steve's_ ,” Steve says.

“We're not going to serve cookies at the restaurant, which we're also not going to name _Steve's_ ,” Danny replies. “You're just here because of the cookie dough.”

“If he's anything like you, he is,” Clara says. She looks happier than Danny has seen her in a while; not that he sees her that often, but ever since Matty, she's been different, more subdued. Now however she's got her glow back, and it's good to see her like this.

 

Danny doesn't know that she and his dad talked to Steve earlier; they've been on the phone rather frequently those first few days after the shooting, and today they thanked him for what he did; not only for being there for Danny after saving his life but also providing invaluable support for his parents by telling them about Danny's progress and reassuring them every day. They are aware how narrow it was, and they're just grateful that they didn't have to bury their other son as well.

Steve for one vividly recalls the phone call he made in the early morning, which translated to one p.m. in New Jersey.

It was Eddie who answered the call, and Steve doesn’t even remember what exactly he said, only that he spoke quickly, telling Eddie that Danny was stable and resting comfortably right then to soften the initial blow of hearing about the nearly-fatal shot. He didn't mention that Danny had to be resuscitated during surgery, since the news were bad enough already; they'd have time for details later.

Eddie was quiet and Steve could hear that he was making an effort to speak calmly: “But... he’s out of danger now, if I understood correctly?”

“Yes, sir,” Steve answered.

Eddie remained silent for a moment: “Is it as bad as… when he came back from Colombia?”

Steve closed his eyes. For him, both incidents were equally bad; he was still trembling at the notion what had transpired only hours earlier, would probably never forget what he had to do in order to keep his partner alive. And the face of the surgeon when he came into the waiting room- for an eternal, horrible moment Steve thought Danny hadn’t made it, and so did the others, judging from how everyone was collectively holding their breath.

But Eddie and Clara have seen Danny after his return from the Colombian prison, and to them, it was probably one of the most appalling things they ever witnessed. Eddie, as a former firefighter, certainly has seen a thing or two in his life, but it’s different when it’s personal; Steve knew how shaken they were back then.

So he took a deep breath: “He’ll probably need a while to get back on his feet, but all in all… the doc said it should be a smooth recovery. It’s very likely better manageable than last time, considering…” He broke off, feeling inadequate. How could one compare a gun shot wound to the multitude of injuries Danny had sustained in that prison? But Eddie apparently exhaled somewhat relieved.

“Do you need us to come over?” he then asked. “Bridget and Mark have asked us to take care of the kids on Thanksgiving since they’re at a wedding in Minnesota, but I’m sure we could arrange for something.”

Steve smiled at his end of the phone: “We’ll be fine, thank you. I’ll take some time off and we have plenty of friends who already volunteered to look after him if the need arises.”

“Okay, well, if you’re sure,” Eddie said. “Thank you, Steve.”

After they had rung off, Steve hung his head for a moment, squeezing his eyes shut: he was trembling with the realization just how close it had been, at the same time grateful that he didn't have to make _that_ call.

It all seems to be way in the past by now, especially here in this kitchen; nothing bad can happen here, or so it seems to Steve. There's something to be said for cold weather when it makes being inside so infinitely cozy, when the room smells of cinnamon, cardamom and cloves.

By the time the cookies are done, it's gotten dark outside.

 

After dinner, when the kids are in bed (well, Grace is reading and texting Will in between), Steve and Danny go for a walk with Flint. It's what Eddie calls “bracingly cold”, and the sky is full of stars. They walk hand in hand, and before they go back inside, they take their sweet time kissing in front of the door; Danny feels like a teenager again, thrilled by the notion that the door could open any time, that someone could see them. Which would be okay, of course, since they're all adults, but it's nice to indulge in this kind of nostalgia for a bit.

He squawks when Steve pushes his cold hands underneath his coat and sweater, making them giggle.

“You just wait, McGarrett,” Danny then says, a little out of breath, but his expression is one of pure delight.

“Oh yeah?” Steve's voice is teasing but gentle.

“Yeah.” Danny beams up at him: “And you'll never see it coming.”

“Oh, because it's gonna be dark in the room, maybe?”

“'No, you big goof, 'cause I've got some ninja moves of my own.”

“That you do,” Steve concedes as he kisses his husband, still smiling.

They haven't been this carefree in a long time.

 

On the following morning, which is Christmas Eve, Steve wakes up first, blinking drowsily for a moment until he realizes that Danny is lying half on top him, breathing quietly into the hollow of Steve's neck as he sleeps. This hasn't happened since the day they were stuck on the yacht, and Steve's missed it so thoroughly that he could actually sing right now.

Tenderly, he caresses Danny's neck, presses his nose into his hair; for a large part of his life, he didn't think he'd ever be this happy. Content maybe, but happiness seemed for people who did things differently. People whose lives hadn't been interrupted by exploding cars and disbanded families.

Who'd have thought he'd meet a guy like this, he thinks, smiling to himself, a guy who won his heart so effortlessly that Steve wonders, and not for the first time, how he suddenly deserves so much luck, because he's convinced that luck is responsible and fate has nothing to do with it. Fate is something one can influence, in his opinion; fortune however is fickle. Steve is grateful that Danny ended up on Oahu and that their paths crossed.

Closing his eyes once more, he nuzzles Danny's forehead; his warm weight and the way his body molds against Steve's own feel marvellous, he wants to savour the moment. Without realizing it, he soon dozes off again.

 

After breakfast, the family drives to the cemetery to visit Matty. They meet Bridget and her family there; Stella and her boyfriend are spending Christmas with Eric in Hawaii.

Danny told Steve that he didn't have to come, but Steve looked at him, saw the dread in his eyes and knew that he was going to be there for support.

They put a beautiful wreath of fir, ivy and black hellebore on the grave, silently and once more weighed down by grief. Charlie and Grace stayed at home, for which Danny is grateful as he looks at his little brother's name, once more asking himself whether he could have done more, could have prevented this. But then there's Steve's warm hand slipping into his own, cold one, reminding him of all the times they talked about it, all the reasons why it was after all Matt's decision. It still hurts, and he's still angry with Matty for being so reckless. And it fleetingly but clearly occurs to him once more how lucky he himself has been to survive the shooting. He hasn't thought about being dead since they've left Oahu, and he knows, now that he's standing at his brother's grave, that he doesn't want to do it again, that he needs to focus on being alive in order to be able to look ahead. Needs to stop blaming himself for Matty.

Most of all though, he finds that he misses him, and he doesn't realize that his eyes are swimming until the cold air is beginning to sting.

It's Clara who, unsteadily and softly at first, begins to sing “Silent Night”. After a moment of shocked comprehension, the others join in, and even though Danny's parents are rather tearful when they say their goodbyes afterwards, everyone is in slightly better spirits when they leave the grounds a short while later.

 

Back at the house, Grace gets up from the couch as soon as they come in and hugs Danny; she knows how badly shaken her uncle's death has left him, and how it's just this little bit more difficult for him to be here in this house nowadays. Danny buries his face in her neck and just holds on for dear life until he feels calm enough to let go again, and Grace, who can feel that he's trembling ever so slightly, keeps a tight grip around him. He's always tried to protect her from things like this, but she feels that right now, she's got to be the strong one for once. It doesn't mean that she isn't sad because of her uncle, though she barely remembers him. For Danno, it must be a thousand times worse. The same holds true for her grandparents and aunts, of course, but Grace, other than Charlie, knows the truth about what happened, and she understands how it is different for her father, who was the last person of their family to talk to him.

When they eventually pull apart, Danny manages a small smile even though his eyes are still sad: “Thank you, Monkey,” he all but whispers.

Grace's eyes are swimming: “Are you okay, Danno?”

He looks around the room, mindful of their conversation two days previously before his gaze returns to his darling daughter: “I will be. I'm getting there.”

Grace looks relieved as she returns his smile.

 

Steve sits down on the rug with Charlie in the meantime; he's playing with Danny's old Lego and now shows Steve the cars he's built.

“Can I build one too?” Steve asks.

“Of course! Danno's got much more Lego than I do at home.”

Steve scratches his head: “Are you sure? Last time I checked, I could barely get my feet on the ground in your room because it was everywhere.”

Charlie shakes his head: “It just looked that way because it was spread out on the floor.”

“Huh. Yeah, well, that explains it, of course,” Steve replies, managing to keep a straight face, and takes a baseplate for his car: “Okay, so do you happen to have some wheels over there?”

 

It starts to snow some time in the afternoon. Danny's been taking another nap after lunch, so Steve went for a run; he was almost back at the house when he felt the first tiny but very palpable spot of wetness on his face, and soon, the air around him was swirling.

When Steve peeks into the living room on his way in, Danny's still lying on the couch and Charlie's sitting in the comfy chair with his grandpa, who's reading to him. Grace is nowhere to be seen, but Steve thinks he can hear her and Clara's voice in the adjoining room. No one seems to have noticed the snow yet.

Steve takes a three-minute shower, feeling at peace with the world; for once, everything is as it should be, and now there's snow on top of it. He keeps looking out of the window while he gets dressed; he's seen snow before, of course, but it never ceases to amaze him.

In the living room, Charlie and Eddie are still engrossed in their book. Danny's lying on his back, his head turned towards the backrest, snuggled up in a blanket, and Steve thinks he'll never tire of the sight. He crouches down, gently reaches out and caresses his partner's cheek with the back of his fingers. Danny makes a small sound before his eyes flutter open; blinking, he turns his head and sleepily smiles at Steve with the corners of his mouth. Steve leans forward and kisses him: “Hey, Danno,” he says in all but a whisper, smiling as well.

“Went for a run?” Danny asks, his voice as soft and gravelly as it gets.

“How do you know?”

“Damp hair, pink ears.” Danny's smile deepens as he regards his husband.

“You could be a detective.”

Danny's eyes are full of mischief:“You think?”

“I love you,” Steve murmurs, helplessly overwhelmed by his feelings at that. “So much.”

They kiss once more, then Steve motions with his head for Danny to get up: “Come on, I've got an early Christmas present for you.”

Danny lets Steve pull him to his feet and steer towards the window; by now, the whole garden is covered by a fine, white blanket.

For a long time, he just looks, Steve's hand on his shoulder, then he takes a deep breath: “About time,” he says quietly. He thinks of the grave, of the wreath which will be covered by snow soon, but somehow, the image is surprisingly peaceful. He reaches up and squeezes Steve's hand: “Thank you, Babe.”

 

After a while, they're joined by Charlie and Eddie, who have finished the book, and Charlie, once he sees the snow, immediately wants to go outside. Grace joins them as well, and it doesn't take long until they're throwing snowballs at one another. They keep it up until it is getting dark, and Steve fleetingly thinks that he hasn't had a similarly great Christmas Eve since his own childhood.

The house smells heavenly when they get back inside, since Clara and Eddie have started dinner; it secretly amuses Danny to no end how his dad, after Clara nearly left him a few years ago, has suddenly begun to cook and to do other chores as well; before his retirement, he probably didn't even know where the vacuum cleaner was kept. But he's glad that his parents are having a good thing going now; well, the aftermath of losing a son probably also had something to do with that.

 

That night, Charlie is so excited that he doesn't feel his tiredness and doesn't want to go to bed: he keeps talking about the cookies they've left out for Santa and wonders what he'll find behind the last window in his Hot Wheels Advent calendar. In the end, Danny lies down with him so that Charlie can snuggle up with him while he tells him a story. He makes it an exciting, long one, and at one point, Charlie does begin to yawn; he's asleep before the story has come to an end. Danny, who's weary from the snowball fight, is blinking as well; he does feel much better on the whole and moving around is becoming less strenuous, but he's still so darn tired all the time; if he doesn't get up now, he'll fall asleep right here. So he gently extricates himself from his son, tucks him in and quietly leaves the room.

Downstairs, his parents, Steve and Grace are watching _Love, Actually_ , which Grace claims is one of the best Christmas movies ever, and while Danny thinks it's a little cheesy in parts, it's still much better and also funnier than _The Notebook_ , so he doesn't mind. He sits down between his husband and his daughter; Steve puts his arms around him and pulls him close, and Grace, without taking her eyes off the screen, lifts up the blanket she's snuggled up under and covers Danny's feet. He pokes her in the leg with his toes in thanks, and she glances at him with a smile.

Rather unexpectedly, he feels happiness welling up in him. He's still sad about Matt, and his absence is more palpable here in the place they grew up in together, but he understands with a sudden clarity that he can't deny himself this happiness for his dead brother's sake. His own escape was too narrow for that. He has tried and failed to imagine what his parents had done, what Steve and Gracie and Charlie had done if he hadn't made it, but now that he's resolved not to do that anymore, he feels lighter at heart. He's still here, and this is as good as it gets in his opinion; the most important people in his life are all here as well, under one roof, and he feels like he's finally on the mend physically. He meant what he told Gracie earlier: he's getting there.

With a sigh, he turns his head so that he can press his ear against the fabric of Steve's sweater and listen to his heartbeat. A moment later, his husband nuzzles his forehead before pressing a kiss on it; exhaling contentedly, Danny closes his eyes.

Steve gently tightens his grip around his partner: he's glad that they've come to Jersey, put some distance between their recent reality and themselves. They've had such a warm welcome here, and Eddie and Clara have once more made it clear that they consider Steve one of their own. Apart from that, it's indeed doing them good to escape their daily routine for a bit. They've only been here for two days, but it feels as though some heavy fog has been lifted from around them, and it feels longer as well, if in a good way.

He does miss Eddie and their ohana, but apart from that, he's with the one person he can't do without, and it's repeatedly been made clear for him what a gift that is; too many times, in fact.

The first time it happened was eight years ago when Danny was poisoned with Sarin not too long after they'd met. Even then, Steve had known that he couldn't lose Danny. Every time something happened, either to Danny or to Steve himself, he realized he wanted more, wanted it all. And now that he knows which kind of snuffling sounds Danny makes in his sleep and how he tastes and what if feels like to wake up with his warm weight sprawled over his own body, losing him has become even more inconceivable. Danny's someone he often argues with, that's true, but they can also be quiet together.

Danny listens to him when he talks, and he knows how to console Steve when he's having bad days. He's got such a big heart, this guy. And every day, Steve finds that he loves his partner and also the kids a little bit more, that his own heart which is full to bursting already is still capable of growing, in the process smoothing out the hurting, rough patches left behind by those who didn't stay. He needs to look ahead if he doesn't want to go mad, and he thinks he's off to a good start now that he has stopped lying awake for hours every night; he needed those moments, but he is doing much better already. They both are.

 

Maybe it's because of all this that Steve feels almost absurdly giddy; the movie totally makes sense to him, and now he's actually looking forward to Christmas.

Gently and somewhat furtively since they're not alone, he kisses Danny's forehead again: “Love you, Danno,” he whispers.

Danny moves, tilting back his head so that he can look at Steve: his expression is soft and fond, the corners of his mouth quirking up ever so slightly as he whispers back: “Love you more.”

Their smiles mirror one another.

 

The End

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> I'm not a Native Speaker, therefore I apologize for any mistakes.


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